


The Habits of Married Couples

by nirejseki



Series: Habits [1]
Category: DC's Legends of Tomorrow (TV)
Genre: Bodyswap, Fluff, Gen, M/M, Magical Realism, No Angst
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-07-14
Updated: 2016-07-14
Packaged: 2018-07-24 01:29:40
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,369
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7488072
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/nirejseki/pseuds/nirejseki
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Len wakes up in Mick's body.  Also, everyone else is freaking out.</p><p>Response to tumblr prompt: rogue canary or coldwave- freaky friday/body swap au??? idk i need to brush up on my sci-fi tropes</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Habits of Married Couples

Len wakes up heavy.

Heavy in his body, in his chest, in his arms, and he mumbles unhappily and closes his eyes to try to go back and grab a few extra minutes of sleep. Eventually, wakefulness slips into his consciousness despite his best efforts and he wakes up yawning, sitting up and scratching a now clean-shaven head. 

He pulls himself out of bed, making a face at his bare chest. Just because Mick doesn’t mind sleeping half-naked doesn’t mean _he_ appreciates it. 

Though he does appreciate Mick sleeping half-naked. Hmm, interesting dilemma. 

He goes in and brushes his teeth, noting absently that the toothpaste he’s been using here tastes noticeably more minty than he’s accustomed to. He grabs a washcloth and wets it, running it over his shoulders and arms, cooling the burns that scar them over. He’ll have to stretch out later, make sure to keep them supple and flexible. 

Len grabs a shirt on his way out and pads down to the mess hall for breakfast.

It’s not till he gets there and Kendra is there, freaking out and waving her hands around in a very un-Kendra-like manner, with a Sara who’s blushing bright red and trying to hide from her own breasts that he realizes that everyone on the ship has been body-switched. 

“Huh,” he says, then figures there’s nothing he can do about it now and goes to grab some cereal.

Len’s about halfway through his cereal when the others finally notice he’s there. 

“Who’re you?” Rip demands. He’s standing with his legs spaced shoulder-width apart and his hands on his hips rather than cross in front of him. Sara, then.

“Huh,” he says again. “I was thinking it was proximity based, what with Mick and me switching and Kendra swapping out with Ray, but your bunk’s furthest away from Rip’s, isn’t it, Sara? And then how would Jax end up in your body?”

Everyone gapes at him.

“I don’t actually care,” he adds. “I was just thinking it’s interesting.”

“How do you _not care_?” Jax wails a little, alternating between hugging Sara’s body and flinching when he accidentally hits her chest. Jax is not handling his transition to womanhood with grace. 

“I’ve been married for ten years now,” Len says.

“…you know, I’d thought you were Snart for a minute there,” Ray says, blinking. His dumb puppy expression is not nearly as charming on Kendra’s face.

“I am Snart,” Len says.

“I didn’t know you were married!”

While Len attempts to process the fact that he’s actually met the living incarnation of High Intelligence, Low Wisdom, Mick pads into the kitchen, making a beeline for the coffeepot. Len automatically grabs the cereal and starts pouring Mick a bowl.

“So, Snart is Rory and…” Sara looks expectantly at Mick, who ignores her in favor of pouring himself a cup of coffee and taking a long sip.

“He’s useless in the morning,” Len offers, knowing his body’s caffeine dependency far too well. He can function without it by sheer force of will, but Mick’s always been hit harder by it. “Let him finish his coffee.”

Stein enters the room, striding like he has a cloak flapping dramatically behind him – so clearly Rip – and Jax follows behind him, looking vaguely wide-eyed and spooked like a skittish deer. Kendra’s in Jax, then. That’s just weird. 

By process of elimination, the Ray that’s slipping through the door looking sheepish is Stein. Len’s glad he showed up late; their mannerisms are similar enough that he might’ve made a mistake otherwise. 

“Gideon is working on a solution now,” Rip says imperiously. “Miss Lance, have you managed to identify everyone?”

“No, but Snart has,” Sara says. “He guessed who I was immediately.”

“You’re standing like you always stand,” Len points out. “And girls are more likely to put their hands on their hips instead of across their chest.”

Mick at this point has finished half of his cup of coffee and is pouring a second one for Len. “What’s happened now?” he asks curiously.

“Apparently everyone on the ship got body-switched,” Len tells him.

“Huh,” Mick says. “Weird. How’d Sara end up in Rip?”

“I was just thinking that.”

“You’re taking this quite calmly, Mr. Snart,” Rip says, sounding even stiffer than normal in Stein’s body. 

“As I told Jax,” Len says, accepting the cup of coffee from Mick and pushing the bowl of cereal over in exchange. “We’ve been married ten years now. I’m used to it.”

Silence.

Everyone’s exchanging weird looks.

Len frowns at them. “What?”

“Exactly… _what_ are you used to?” Stein says carefully. 

“Swapping bodies, of course,” Len says, taking a sip of his coffee and smiling. Mick’s made it just the way he prefers, which of course is how Len takes it when he’s wearing Mick for the day. “What did you think I mean?”

“Are you saying you and Mr. Rory have swapped bodies before?” Rip asks, a weird sort of scowl on his face.

“Well, yeah,” Len says. “As I said, married.”

“Snart,” Sara says. “Married people don’t swap bodies.”

“Sure they do,” Mick grunts. “Happens once every couple of months; it’s annoying as fuck, ‘specially since there doesn’t seem to be a way to predict it. Remember when it happened right before that job with the lasers?”

“Don’t remind me,” Len says with a sigh. “Two month’s planning out the window ‘cause of balance problems.” Catching everyone else’s strange expressions, he adds, “We were pretty new at it back then; it was a trip figuring out how to move properly when your center of gravity shifts like that, as I’m sure you’re all realizing.”

“Snart,” Sara says again. “I hate to be the one to break it to you, but married people _don’t swap bodies_.”

“I’m not sure I follow.”

“It _isn’t a thing_ , Snart – Stein, you’re married, right? Has it ever happened to you?”

“I must say it never has,” Stein says, blinking owlishly. 

“Nor has it happened to me,” Rip says. “Nor have I ever _heard_ of it happening to anyone else.”

“I’ve married Carter eight times and it’s never happened,” Kendra offers.

“See?” Sara says triumphantly. “It’s not a thing.”

Len and Mick blink and look at each other. “I guess we just assumed it was a thing,” Mick says. “Since it started after the marriage ceremony and all.”

“You guys are actually serious,” Jax says. “You _actually thought_ this was a thing that happened to married couples?!”

“It’s not like either of us have a lot of experience with happily married people!” Len says defensively. “How were we to know? Lots of married couples act like each other.”

“They don’t _become each other_!”

“They never said they didn’t.”

“Because nobody _thinks_ about that!”

“Does it matter?” Mick asks. “’cause unless it’s actually relevant, I’m going to go back to bed and see if I can catch Mr. Insomniac here on some shut eye till the coffee kicks in.”

“Much obliged, Mick,” Len says, pleased that Mick had noticed his difficulty sleeping. 

Mick gets up, stretching a little bit and then scowls. “Also, Snart, I fucking hate your goddamn joints. This is the future; they sell tons of stuff that deals with shit like this. Go see Gideon already.”

Len rolls his eyes. “You’re wearing me today, Mick. Go yourself.”

Mick sniffs. “Maybe I will.”

“You really think this is normal,” Ray says, sounding fascinated. “This is _awesome_.”

"Truly fascinating," Stein echoes, staring at them intently. 

Len shrugs and sips his coffee. Being normal has never been a preoccupation of his, nor of Mick. 

“So do you know how to reverse it?” Kendra asks hopefully.

“Nope,” Len says.

“Do you use it for anything?”

“Nothing I can say in front of Jax’s virgin ears.”

“Hey! I’m not a – you know what, the full implications of that just sunk in and you are welcome to consider my ears as virginal as you like provided you never talk about your sex life _ever again_.”

Len smirks and follows Mick out of the room, shaking his head. It would wear off in time, or they’d figure out a way to reverse it; he wasn’t particular concerned.

After all, he _was_ used to this.


End file.
